Conducting disputes and conflicts: Tips and solutions

One of the most unpleasant situations in working life is the feeling that an argument will break out the next time you talk to this one particular person. Or even: there is an appointment at which it is firmly planned to talk about this one thing - a very bad feeling! These types of disputes or contact conversations are also not uncommon (after all, we are all only human and make mistakes!). Misunderstandings, differing opinions or communication problems can quickly lead to tensions in the team and in work processes. Therefore, a conflict discussion can prevent a situation from escalating into a dispute.

Unfortunately, having such discussions is unavoidable and it is therefore important that we all sooner or later acquire the skills to conclude such discussions with the best possible outcome (for us personally). Whether you are an employee or a manager with personnel responsibility, successfully concluding disputes means finding solutions! Whereupon there will (hopefully) be a better working atmosphere afterwards. Good communication is the key to ensuring that the conversation doesn't escalate and that we are neither kicked out nor give our boss our notice on the spot. Here you can find out how best to prepare for disputes or conflict discussions, the best techniques to use during a discussion and our personal conflict discussion tips.  

Having disputes at work

First things first: conflicts in the workplace are part of everyday life. Whether it's bickering between colleagues or disagreements with superiors - solutions to conflicts have to be found somehow. 

There is also a general rule here: the longer the conflict goes on, the worse it gets. Regardless of whether the conflict is 'just' the uncleaned coffee machine, the constant lateness of a colleague or the boss's pointed remarks - the situation will (very probably) not improve on its own.... And before you get annoyed for months - it doesn't help, the conflict talk has to happen. 

To prevent a dispute from escalating completely, it is important to view the conversation as a step towards conflict resolution - if your colleague only wants to argue, then a solution will never be reached... Therefore: Having an open dispute or conflict discussion is the first step towards resolving the problem. The important thing is:

• Choose or wait for a quiet place and time
• Discuss on a factual level if possible
• Ensure respectful and solution-oriented communication.
• Keep the goal in mind: resolve the conflict
• Let the other person finish and listen actively to understand the other person's perspective.

The next time you find yourself in a conflict conversation, remember: it's perfectly normal and in many cases the best way to clear up misunderstandings. In the following, we will therefore give you the best tips for preparation, various techniques during the conversation and how, in our experience, you can achieve a lasting solution.

The right preparation for a conflict discussion or dispute

Good preparation is essential if you have to have an argument at work. Take time to clarify the following points before the conversation:

• What exactly happened?
• What feelings did that trigger in me?
• What exactly is the problem? Which points would you like to discuss in more detail?
• What should be done differently in the future? What solution would you like to achieve?

Reflecting on your feelings in connection with the conflict can feel a bit silly at first. However, when you address your feelings in a conversation, it often makes the other person 'click' for the first time. That's why this is the basis of many techniques that communication coaches recommend. Also be prepared to stay calm, even if the conversation gets heated. 

Use the time in between to gather official information and professional sources to gather facts, especially when it comes to topics such as employment rights. There is a lot of debate here in particular, but the legal situation is usually pretty clear - especially when it comes to breaks, vacation days or deadlines for employees. 

The best techniques for clearing up misunderstandings

Conducting conflict discussions requires clear communication. Many misunderstandings arise because things are not formulated clearly enough or the other person does not hear what you mean. The first step here is always not to assume anything about the other person: Instead of assuming that the other person is not listening properly, start by assuming that there has been a misunderstanding. 

Here are some techniques to avoid misunderstandings and escalation in conflict and dispute discussions:

• I-messages instead of accusations: Express how you feel and what you have observed instead of attacking the other person.
• Active listening: Confirm what the other person has said to make sure you have understood each other correctly.
• Create clarity: Avoid vague statements, but be specific and precise.
• Work towards conflict resolution: A fierce exchange of blows does not usually achieve the desired effects of a pleasant working atmosphere - sometimes it is also necessary to keep your distance and seek another opportunity to talk. 

Just as with a dismissal interview it is important to approach the matter with calm and structure . This attitude also applies when you are looking for the best career path for you - after all, it may be precisely these disputes in your industry that are taking the fun out of your work. Take a look at the best-paid professions to find out where you see yourself professionally in the long term.

How to achieve the optimal long-term solution in a conflict discussion

The best solution in a conflict discussion is always one in which both sides are satisfied in the end. The aim is to find a long-term solution that works for everyone. Here are some of our tips:

• Willingness to compromise: Be prepared to find a middle ground, even if this means deviating from your original position.
• Solution-oriented thinking: Focus on how the conflict can be resolved rather than on who is right. 
• Follow-up: Plan a moment of reflection after the conversation and see whether the solution found is actually implemented.

It can also be helpful to always focus on the common goals. Often the best solution is one in which all parties focus on the essential things that need to be achieved as a team. 

If the other person's goals don't appeal to you at all, it is of course always an option to go your separate ways. As with conflict resolution in the workplace, good preparation is crucial for a job change or lateral entry - so you can have the perfect interview and get off to a fresh start!

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